It only took a few words for the leak to happen. “The PET Scan showed your cancer has returned.” As the words sank in the tears began to flow. My logical mind moved on to the next steps. Making appointments, changing plans, but during it all, there was a leak in my tear duct.
I decided quickly the tears were the feelings I needed to let escape. I couldn’t damn them up. Sometimes just a tear or two would escape from my right eye. Other times, I would feel the tears trickle down both my cheeks. A gentle release, that I needed.
Being a farmers daughter, this explanation of what is happening makes the most sense to me. The return of the same cancer (adenocarinoma) I had in March, 2020 means that some seeds were left behind. Even though I had a hysterectomy and radiation These seeds have laid dormant until now, when a couple of the seeds have sprouted. One the size of quarter and one the size of a dime. My future now depends on these sprouts to shrink and my body to become very bad soil for any future seeds that were sown.
Starting this morning, just 18 days after I heard the news I start chemotherapy. Which I will be repeating every three weeks for six sessions. So in a few hours, with tears leaking down my cheeks, I will listen to Helen Reddy‘s. “I am Woman”. “If I have to, I can do anything, I am strong! I am invincible! I am woman!”
Pray for me to come back even stronger! I have a long, long way to go!