For the past month I have had this question go through my head 1000 times. “Am I brave enough?” I remember when my girls were young trying to encourage them to be brave. They like most people didn’t want to do new things. Walking through that door the first time is scary. When they all had to walk through the door of a new school, they looked to me for strength. My only encouragement was, “It’s only going to be the first time once!” I went on to explain, you just need to be brave enough today. Then it won’t be the first time again. I supported them, I guided them, but only they could be brave enough!
A month ago, I needed my girls to support me as I faced the fact that I would lose my hair because of chemo. We picked out a wig and beanies. Together we found a wig that helped me still look like me. The beanies we selected seemed to fit my uniquely fun personality. I was armed and ready, but I wondered would I be brave enough?
Would I be brave enough to look in the mirror and see me in a whole new way? Would I be brave enough to just put on a beanie and be seen in the world? The week that this happened I was pushed to find even more courage. Could I be brave enough to attend a retreat alone? A friend who was going with me had to cancel at the last minute. I had a decision to make, do I cancel? Do I stay home hiding my balding head from the world and face it alone?
My own quote came back to me, “It’s only going to be the first time once!” Could I walk through that door with my wig on into a room full of strangers? I realized maybe it would be easier with strangers. I decided I was brave enough! Yes, walking through that door was tough. Wearing a wig for the first time was hard. Getting tired of the itchy wig and putting on a beanie in public was difficult. But I was still me! As I can see in these pictures, I am still me in a wig. And especially I am still me in a beanie winning the game!
As I adjust to my new look in the mirror during the past few weeks, I am challenged with my question, “Am I brave enough?” Do I always cover my head around others? Do I wear my wig in public and not just beanies? Am I brave enough to post pictures of myself? Can I share this story?
This past weekend holding my 6-month-old grandson I found out I was brave enough! I allowed my daughter to take a picture of her son laughing at me with a bald head. And later allowed her to post it on her social media. It’s ok for others to see that this Gigi has less hair than her grandson!
It all started with the first door and being just brave enough to walk through once! What door are you not walking through? You just have to be brave enough to do it the first time!